All will be well

After a few weeks and months of watching different blogging pals struggle with so much of what we call 'life' (myself included) I was surprised to happen upon these lovely words from Jean Shinoda Bolen in her book The Tao of Psychology: "To know how to choose a path with heart is to learn how to follow the inner beat of intuitive feeling." She continues:

"When a person is following a path with heart, his or her dreams are usually nourishing; they seem interesting and pleasant, often imparting a sense of well-being. Synchronistically, opportunities seem to open fortuitously, the people we should meet accidentally cross our path, a flow or ease accompanies our work. Each facilitating, unsought event then begins to confer a feeling of being blessed, each serving as a lantern along the way, illuminating the path with heart.

"To travel this path with heart, a person has an inner world in which the ego is filled with a spiritual abundance from its connection with the Self. There is generosity and freedom from fear within the psyche and in the world. Synchronistically, people cross our path and events unfold, facilitating rather than hindering the course we are on. The sense of fullness and flow influences the sense of time; there seems to be enough time to do whatever we are here for; even parking places synchronistically materialize."

As I fret over $140 barrel oil, burnout at work, my filthy house, whether my new hydrangeas will make it, how my daughter and father will weather their surgeries, the state of our nation, and on and on, this reading put into words what I know at the core of my being to be true. As Julian of Norwich wrote, ". . . all shall be well."

Namaste and hang in there--

Schwarzenegger was wrong

Yesterday, I spent a couple hours watching my son fish. Minus a baby bass that he threw back, these pix were the only catches. Not a bad day at the lake, I'd say. But looking at these images a day later, in light of the news of Ted Kennedy, I'm reminded of life's cycles. And I'm a little blue. Of course, in my own selfishness, I'm reminded of what my dad's going through. And given the nature of Kennedy's diagnosis, I remember when I got news that my great friend Helen had a brain tumor. Seizures like Kennedy's are what tipped off her docs. Isn't it strange how a few words can suddenly and abruptly change one's world forever. So I take solace in the world around me and count my many blessings . . .

Not worthy to receive

Only a catholic would catch that phrase and possibly understand the deep-seated unworthiness that I feel, not only toward God, but Mother's Day. All in the spirit of capitalism, does Hallmark make its bid to prey on the insecurities and guilt of children and partners. Hallmark sucks!

This Mother's Day crap needs to go the way of the up-turned collar on the Izod polo. There is no spirit on this day, only pressure! Pressure to let your mother know how much you really, truly, deeply love and appreciate her. Oh, and let's not forget the pressure to be the mother who earns that really, truly, deep love and appreciation. It so blows.

And excuses to be lazy? Anyone who knows me, knows I need no excuse to loaf and drag and sleep and lounge and be a general sad sack. No matter how much I try to overcome it, I'm a sloth! Which is one of the primary reasons I hate this day. As Wayne & Garth so aptly put it back in the day, "I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!" My kids and husband are so amazingly good to me and I just don't get it!

Maybe I'm just extra blue because my week-long eye infection is finally clearing (reason for some to celebrate, but me, to grumble it took so long), maybe it's this damn head cold that set in Wednesday and has still got me mouth breathing, maybe it's the rainy, cold, cloudy nature of today (I need me some Vitamin D . . . or a tanning bed), maybe I'm just a bitch! But I really do hate being the focus. It just reminds me of my eternal shortcomings.

Honoring MY mom, however, is a totally different thing. I simply cannot do enough to communicate to her (or you) how much I love her. And after watching both Mom and Dad lose their mom's a year ago, it's ratcheted up the need to let them know how much they mean to me. But do I really need Hallmark to force my hand? Can a card or a Willow Tree or pastry really convey all the emotions I feel for Mom? Hardly.

If only motherhood was as easy as Sally makes it look. All she does is lay around and nurse those little babies. It's so beautiful to watch how she's grown from cannibal to all-star mommy. What a giver.

Matthew 12: Dudes. Chill!

In this chapter, Jesus covers the topic of Sabbath. A few years ago I read "Keeping the Sabbath Wholly" by Marva Dawn. It fired me up about truly observing a day of rest. Even now, having recently completed A.J. Jacobs' "The Year of Living Biblically" in which he delves into Sabbath keeping, I can't help but think, "Cool." My problem, however, is the follow-through. In my truly pre-school level of understanding, the Sabbath is not designed to celebrate one of my most glaring of character defects: laziness, slothiness, fat-assyness. From what I understand, sabbath is intended as a specific time of rest and repose, to detach from the work of life and honor the sacred. I'm not comfortable with truly setting out to do nothing because it would force me to pay attention to my own sacredness, and it's tough. I don't know why, but there's a big part of me that wants to remain distracted. (Which is probably why I haven't meditated in a long time.)

In Jacobs' book, he shares the varying lengths people are willing to go to honor the Sabbath and how his own observance on a weekly basis has lead to greater peace. I've truly never tried a sundown to sundown Sabbath attempt and not sure I will because maybe the "Sabbath" abides within us, not outside of us? I know, a little groovy, but in Matthew 12:1-13, I see a message out of favor with slavish observance to the Sabbath. Personally, anytime I'm feeling rigid or feel such rigidity in others, I feel at a core level that things aren't right. I don't think my spiritual makeup is designed for inflexibility.

I meet friends for coffee a few times a week and at one of the places at which we meet there is a sign on the wall: "Easy Does It." And I see this message in the early part of this chapter. Jesus is basically telling the Pharisees, "Dudes. Chill!"

As the chapter progressed and got into the Satan-talk, I had to break out the King James bible and double check some things. In the New Living Translation version I'm reading, Matthew 12:34 reads "For whatever is in your heart determines what you say." In the King James, it reads "for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." I totally LOVED this little line!!!

I believe it to be a very simple compass for my behavior, intentions, and thoughts at any given time. While I may not be a follower of Christ, I don't think that's important. What I do believe in is a Power, a Creative Force, and I know when I'm out of alignment with that Power. As indicated a few verses later, my "soul" may be swept clean of some crap, but if I don't keep seeking and learning and loving, the crap returns . . . 7-fold according to 12:45.

My best thinking is often the root of my problem, and I can get so far into left field that there are times when I actually start believing that crazy self-talk. In my opinion, those are the 'demons' the bible refers to. And those demons are right outside my door doing push ups, waiting to kick my ass.