So at the end of Chapter 1, I read the Holy Spirit impregnates Mary with the baby Jesus. Instantly I thought of the end of "Dogma" when Alan Rickman's 'Metatron' places his palm on the abdomen of Linda Fiorentino's 'Bethany Sloane.' I like that image, it gives me a whole new feel for the virgin birth thing. Anyway, we all know Joseph stays with Mary because he, too, is visited by an angel. They wed, Mary has the baby in Bethlehem (no manger business in this Gospel) and all is well.
And I don't doubt that these people truly heeded the words, warnings, orders from angels, because angels are sumpin' scary! Look at Alan Rickman, if he told me to jump off a bridge because some invisible gargoyle was runnin' at me, and that a giant, heavenly catcher's mitt would keep me safe, I'd jump 'cause he's scary. Especially when he angeled himself into Snape!
Anyway, back to scripture: all's cool 'til Herod hears prophecy-filling news about said birth from the wise men. Herod liked being king and wasn't feelin' the whole abdication thing. In fact, he behaved quite weaselly when he tried to gain the babe's location out of the three kings under the guise of wanting to deliver his own baby shower . . . of poison darts and machetes.
But Herod didn't count on those crazy angels ushering the holy family out of Israel and into Egypt via dreams and visions. Unfortunately, the angels didn't help out all the other sorry sons left back in Israel. As part of Herod's big baby shower, he ordered all male children under 2 be killed! Once Herod died, the angels speak again and the family is lead to Nazareth in Galilee.
With Chapter 3 comes John the Baptist and while I was initially ruffled by his whole "repent ye sinners!" message, I remembered I was reading the bible as a work of literature. That in mind, I was able to see the "Prove by the way you live that you have repented" message as a denouncer of all those crazy neo-con fucks who think that if they can quote the bible and prove membership of some crap church that they have the right to judge others while they, themselves steal from their own churches, or cheat on their families, or harm little boys, or evade spiritual law in myriad ways.
In Chapter 4, I found the whole 40 days, 40 nights thing. Honestly, I always thought Jesus' time in the desert (though in this bible it read "wilderness") was the time before Easter, like he fasted for 40 days and nights and then feasted! I know it doesn't make sense. (Explained perfectly by comic Jim Gaffigan, "I haven't read the bible. I'm catholic and we don't have to.")
Anyway, Satan was waiting for him, which I really have a problem believing. I'm thinking "Satan" was more his ego or his thinking, because one's bound to get pretty loopy and hallucinogenic going without food for 40 days, but I'll play along.
So apparently Satan tried all sorts of teasing and tempting, but Jesus was a strong dude and stuck to his fast. And the fast and all that hallucinating must have brought about spiritual clarity because following this period, Jesus began preaching. At which point the fisherman left their nets, the blind began to see, the cripple, to walk. Groovy.
Hi, non-neo-con, conservative wack job here. I am loving your literary analysis of the Good Book. The stories really are fantastic. I got hooked on Shakespeare at 13 because I finally had a teacher who was cool emough to point out what "thrust to the wall" meant back in the day...
ReplyDeleteIn any case, I just wanted to point out, and you seem very knowledgeable so may already know, that Jesus of Nazareth began teaching very early in his life. Many historians (People of the Book, Jew-Christian-Muslim, all of them) agree he was a rabbinical scholar equivalent shortly following his eighth year.
It was after his time in the wilderness that Jesus began teaching what we popularly think of as Christianity. The reason it is an important point for me, is that it always seems that it is after an arduous task or trial that I have learned the most. So this story is a HUGE boost in my own testimony.
Cheers!